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Postcards To Elva

Our family's journey through coping with a SIDS loss

Rock bottom

I’ve not written in a while as so much has been happening – Christmas, moving house, back to work, post mortem results and now Elva’s first birthday is looming over me.

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Lapland

We had mixed feelings about going on a holiday. One part of us wanted to do what we had been telling others to do and live our lives fully and not have any regrets. Another part didn’t want to get out of bed so making it to Lapland seemed impossible.

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There is a light that never goes out

We’ve just got back from a trip to Lapland. We had the chance to get away just the three of us and so decided to do something we always said we’d do. After you’ve been through the reality of losing a child, you really do start to live for the moment and so going to Lapland ‘one day’ became going to Lapland now.

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Moving out not moving on

This month things have moved fast and in a way, I think that’s a good thing. I haven’t had too much time to sit around and analyse my decisions which has meant we’ve just done things. The most major thing we’ve done is buy a new house! (Not the house above, that’s Mrs Claus’ house in Lapland but it is the prettiest house ever!)

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Flamingos

Even before Elva was born, I loved flamingos. They’re pink, they’re tall and when they face each other, they make a love heart.

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Good Friends

I am naturally an introvert. That doesn’t mean I am quiet and shy – I’m definitely not. It means that I am happy in my own company, I don’t need a massive social circle and I am usually much happier staying in than going out. I don’t really enjoy chit chat or meeting new people.

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Feeling Exposed

I started writing this blog as a way of just getting my feelings out. I wasn’t writing for an audience and certainly wasn’t expecting anyone I actually knew to read my thoughts. It was just a way to spill out all the thoughts that go around my head all day. It was really helpful in getting things out and helped me to process what I was thinking.

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The fog is clearing

This week has been strange. I’ve definitely noticed a change in my emotions for the first time. I’m not crying every day – maybe a tear or two when I am reminded of something specific, but generally keeping it together.

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Tadhg

My son, Tadhg, turned 3 just 2 weeks after Elva died. His birthday had always been an over the top celebration as we love birthdays. We didn’t want his 3rd birthday to be over shadowed by what we were going through and so we did our best to give him a day that felt normal.

We bought him a new bike as planned. Continue reading “Tadhg”

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